Interacting respectfully with people who have disabilities

Awkwardness or unease when interacting with people who have disabilities can be traced back to when we were children. Parents often tell children, "Don’t stare!" or "It’s rude to ask questions." While these suggestions may be well-intentioned, they can end up having negative consequences later in life when connecting with people with disabilities.

While every individual is unique and has personal preferences, there are some general guidelines to follow when interacting comfortably and respectfully with people with disabilities.

Just relax

Oftentimes, the biggest issue when interacting with someone who is disabled is not wanting to be offensive. Able-bodied people may try so hard not to be rude or make a mistake that they end up getting flustered, awkward or even completely avoiding the individual who is disabled. The first thing to do in situations like this is just relax. If you treat the individual like any other person, he or she will know that you are trying to be respectful, even if you slip up sometimes.

Respect language preferences

While some people prefer "person-first" language (for example, "Katie has cerebral palsy"), many others proudly prefer "identity-first" language (for example, "I am a disabled person"). Identity-first language acknowledges that a disability is an intrinsic part of someone's culture and identity. The best approach is simply to listen and use the language the individual uses for themselves.

Recognize invisible disabilities

It is important to remember that not all disabilities are physical or visible. Neurodivergence, such as autism or ADHD, chronic illnesses and mental health conditions are common. Because you cannot always see a disability, it is best to practice universal grace and patience in all your interactions.

Avoid patronizing behavior

No one likes being patronized or treated like a child. Never talk down to a person with a disability. This means avoiding child-like vocabulary, pet names or talking unnecessarily louder than normal. Additionally, be mindful of overpraising everyday activities. Waking up in the morning and going to the store is simply living life, not an inspirational act of bravery. Praising someone for doing ordinary tasks can feel objectifying rather than supportive and can have a negative effect.

Ask before helping

Most individuals with disabilities know how to take care of themselves, or have someone who is trained to help. While automatically helping someone may seem kind, it can be frustrating or even dehumanizing for a person with a disability. Actions such as taking a person’s arm and steering them in what you think is the right direction, putting on their jacket for them or pushing someone’s wheelchair can be very invasive. If you see a person who appears to be struggling, ask his or her permission first before offering your help.

Practice digital accessibility

Since much of our communication happens online, consider accessibility in your digital spaces. Asking if someone needs closed captions on a video call, using alt text on social media images and ensuring documents are screen-reader friendly shows that your respect extends into virtual and hybrid environments.

Do not be afraid to ask questions

When you have established a relationship and the situation is appropriate, do not be afraid to acknowledge the person’s disability and ask respectful questions. Avoid making assumptions, engage in meaningful conversation and make an effort to get to know the person for who they are.

Follow the Platinum Rule

The Golden Rule is a great start, but try following the Platinum Rule: Treat others how they would like to be treated. Take your lead from the person you are interacting with to see how they prefer to be acknowledged, treated and described. Share in their perspective to gain valuable insight.

Every person is unique and has individual preferences. These guidelines are not universal, but they can be a starting point for bridging communication gaps and interacting across different abilities. Try these approaches to learn and grow in a more inclusive lifestyle.